Alright, so, ’emotional needs.’ For the longest time, I kinda just brushed that stuff off. Thought it was, you know, for people who had too much time on their hands, or something you worried about after all the ‘real’ work was done. Like, get your job sorted, pay your bills, then maybe think about feelings. Man, was I off base.
The Wake-Up Call
So, how’d I figure this out? Well, life has a funny way of smacking you in the face with reality. There was this period, maybe a couple of years back, where everything felt like it was going sideways. Work was a mess, super high pressure, long hours, and a team that just didn’t click. Felt like walking on eggshells every single day.
I remember just feeling drained, all the time. Not just tired, but like, hollowed out. And I kept telling myself, ‘Just push through, it’s just stress.’ But it wasn’t just stress. Something deeper was off.
My Fumbling Practice
This is where my, uh, ‘practice’ began, if you can call it that. It wasn’t some structured experiment, more like me stumbling around in the dark trying to find a light switch.
- Observation Mode: ON. I started really watching myself. When did I feel that awful knot in my stomach? When did I feel even a tiny bit better? I noticed that after a particularly brutal meeting, if a colleague just said, ‘Hey, that was rough, you okay?’ – even if they couldn’t change anything – it helped. Like, a tiny bit. But it was something.
- Noticing Others. Then I started watching others. Saw folks on the team who were clearly struggling too. Some would get quiet, others would get snappy. And I realized, hey, they’re probably feeling some version of what I’m feeling.
- Tiny Experiments. So, I tried small things. Instead of just bottling it all up, I’d sometimes say to a trusted coworker, ‘Man, this project is really getting to me.’ Or I’d make an effort to actually ask someone else how they were doing, and really listen, not just nod along.
- Recognizing Patterns. I saw that when there was zero appreciation, zero sense of connection, or when everyone was just out for themselves, things got toxic fast. Performance dropped, mistakes happened. It wasn’t just about ‘feelings’; it was impacting the actual work.
What I Kind Of Figured Out
And slowly, it started to click. These ’emotional needs’ weren’t fluffy extras. They were fundamental. Like, the need to feel seen, not just as a cog in a machine. The need to feel connected to others, even in a small way. The need to feel like what you do matters, or that you’re at least respected for your effort.
I realized that when these things were missing, it was like trying to run on fumes. You just can’t. You burn out, you get cynical, you stop caring. And that’s bad for everyone – you, your team, the whole shebang.
It wasn’t about needing constant praise or hand-holding. It was about basic human stuff. Acknowledgment. Understanding. A sense of belonging. When those were even partially met, I could handle the stress better. I had more energy. I was, believe it or not, more productive.
So, Now What?
I’m no guru on this. Still figuring it out every day. But I don’t ignore this stuff anymore. I try to be more aware of it, in myself and in others. I try to build those small connections, offer that bit of acknowledgment, because I know firsthand it makes a difference. It’s not about being ‘soft’; it’s about being smart. And, well, a bit more human.
It’s a continuous process, this whole emotional needs thing. You don’t just ‘solve’ it. You live it, you practice it. And sometimes you mess up, and you learn, and you try again. That’s pretty much my record of it, plain and simple.
