Alright, let me walk you through some things I figured out over the years. This wasn’t from some book or course, mind you, just plain trial and error, mostly error at the beginning if I’m being honest.
For the longest time, I operated on autopilot. You know, you think you know what you’re doing because maybe no one’s complained, or maybe you just assume things are okay. I was focused on the end goal, I guess, not really the whole picture.
Realizing I Was Clueless
Then came a point where it just felt… off. Like I was missing something big. Maybe it was a specific conversation, maybe just a vibe, but I started thinking, “Hold on, maybe I don’t have this figured out at all.” It was a bit of a hard pill to swallow, realizing you might not be great at something you thought you were okay at.
So, I had to scrap my old assumptions. The biggest assumption was thinking I knew what she wanted without actually asking or paying close attention. That was mistake number one, and probably the biggest one.
Starting Over: Paying Attention
My first step was just to shut up and listen more. And watch. Sounds simple, but it’s amazing what you miss when you’re wrapped up in your own head. I started trying to notice the small things:
- How her breathing changed.
- Little sighs or sounds.
- If she tensed up or relaxed.
- Where she guided my hands, even subtly.
It felt like detective work at first. Trying to piece together clues. And yeah, sometimes I got it wrong. Tried something, got a lukewarm reaction, okay, noted, file that away.
Then I started actually talking about it. Not in some clinical way, but just checking in. “How does this feel?” or “Do you like this?” Even just simple affirmations when something seemed to work. It felt awkward initially, like breaking some weird silence code, but communication turned out to be massive. Who knew, right?
Focusing on the Whole Thing, Not Just the End
I also realized I was probably rushing things way too much before. Impatient. So, I consciously slowed everything down. Made a point to spend more time on the build-up. Kissing, touching, just being close without any immediate goal. Making sure the atmosphere was right, relaxed, no pressure.
It wasn’t about deploying some secret move I saw somewhere. It was more about being creative and attentive with the basics. Trying different types of touch, different pressures, different spots. And remembering what worked before, or things she mentioned liking, even in passing conversation.
What I really learned is that there’s no single “right way”. It changes from person to person, and even with the same person, it changes from day to day depending on mood, stress, energy levels. So, the key thing wasn’t finding a magic formula, but learning how to adapt and be responsive in the moment.
It’s less about technique and more about connection and attention. Being genuinely focused on her experience. And honestly, shifting my focus like that made it better for me too. Less performance anxiety, more just enjoying the shared intimacy.
So yeah, that’s my journey, still ongoing really. It boils down to: pay attention, communicate (even if it’s awkward at first), slow down, and focus on connection, not just the physical act. It’s what I’ve found works through just doing it and trying to learn along the way.
