So I finally took that big wine trip last year after saving up forever. Thought it would be all classy sips and fancy cheese plates. Reality check? Total chaos if you don’t plan right. Here’s how it all went down.
The Big Plan (Where I Messed Up)
Bought tickets for three festivals back-to-back: one in France, then Italy, then California. Rookie mistake number one right there. Packed my nicest clothes like it was some posh garden party. Forgot comfortable shoes existed. Flight landed in Bordeaux and I went straight to the first event – jet-lagged and starving.
France: Where I Learned Spit Buckets Aren’t Gross
Walked into this beautiful old vineyard setup. Tables everywhere with bottles. Thought “Heck yeah, free refills!” Started sipping every pour they handed me. Felt fancy swirling that red stuff. By tent number three, my head was buzzing. Saw locals using these little buckets. Assumed it was for dumping bad wine. Nope. Crucial lesson: SPIT BUCKETS ARE YOUR FRIEND. Swallow everything and you’ll be napping under a grapevine by noon. Also learned: NEVER skip the water station. That free baguette cheese plate saved me.
Italy: The Sunglasses Disaster
Flew into Tuscany feeling smarter. Wore sneakers. Carried water. Felt smug. Sunshine was brutal though. Brought cheap sunglasses. Took ’em off to “properly observe the wine legs” or whatever. Big mistake. Lost track of which glass was mine. Tried five different pours, put the shades back on… HOT PINK LENSES. Every wine looked like Pepto-Bismol. Spent an hour squinting like a mole. Pack decent clear shades now. And MARK YOUR GLASS with tape or a wine charm.
California: When “Relaxed” Bites Back
Last stop. Napa Valley festival. Website said “casual garden vibes.” Wore jeans. Rolled up 10 minutes before a famous maker’s tasting window ended. Saw a huge line for the big-name cabernet. Pushy dude elbows his way in front. I say “Hey man, line’s back there.” He shrugs. I grumble. Pourer sees me glaring. DO NOT BE THAT PERSON. It’s wine, not war. Smile. Wait. The snobs get remembered – badly. Staff helped me find smaller tents with amazing juice nobody crowded.
What Actually Worked
- BOOK TRANSPORT EARLY – Cabs vanish when thousands need them. Almost slept on a bench
- BRING ZIPLOC BAGS – Sounds nuts? Trust me. Snag crackers/cheese for later. Saves cash and stomachs.
- CHAT WITH VOLUNTEERS – They know where the hidden gems are, not just the crowded headliners.
Stuff I Wish I Knew
- DON’T OVERBOOK – Two days maximum per festival. Your palate gets fried.
- AVOID HIGH HEELS – Grass, gravel, mud. Saw so many people walking barefoot holding designer shoes.
- BUY THE TASTING GLASS – Sounds obvious. Skipped it once to save €5. Got stuck holding a plastic cup like a toddler.
Biggest takeaway? It’s not a booze sprint. Take breaks. Find quiet corners. Talk to strangers about what they loved. Wound up trying a weird orange wine from Slovenia because some old guy recommended it – my favorite find. Oh, and budget double. Hotels near festivals? Daylight robbery. Worth it though. Just learn from my dumb mistakes. Drink water. Use the spit bucket. And for god’s sake, pack clear sunglasses.
