Alright folks, today’s adventure wasn’t about fancy sights, it was about getting my butt to Sao Paulo in one piece. Heard all the scary stories, right? So I figured I’d share exactly what I did, warts and all.
Step 1: Scared Myself Silly (On Purpose)
First off, I dove headfirst into the bad stuff. Didn’t sugarcoat it. I searched like crazy for reports about pickpocket hotspots, common scams targeting tourists near the airport, and areas even locals avoid after dark. Government travel advisories? Read those things front to back, highlighted the scary parts. Wanted to know the real, ugly truth so I wouldn’t walk in blind.
Step 2: Packing Like a Paranoid Ninja
My usual packing style went out the window. Here’s what went in:
- The “Fake Wallet” Special: Loaded an old, beat-up wallet with a few expired cards and just enough local cash for a cheap meal or taxi ride. Kept the real credit cards and passport hidden deep in a special pocket inside my jeans. Seriously, looked like normal jeans.
- Phone on Lockdown: Switched off automatic Bluetooth and WiFi discovery. Turned on “Find My Phone” stuff religiously. Brought an old, burner phone that was basically useless for anything but calls/texts in case my nice one got snatched.
- Clothes Chaos: Ditched anything flashy. Left the fancy watch at home. Wore comfy sneakers I could run in if needed (hoping I wouldn’t have to!). Looked as boring and local as my pale skin could manage.
Step 3: Landing & Getting Off the X
That airport arrival hall is pure chaos, feels like a predator buffet sometimes. My mantra: look confident, act fast.
- Pre-booked Wheels: Zero hesitation. I had a legit car service booked and paid for before I even landed. Confirmed their car details and license plate while waiting at the baggage claim. Absolutely NO flirting with random taxis or “good deals” folks shouted at me.
- Baggage Claim Ballet: Stood a few steps back from the carousel, scanned constantly. Grabbed my bag the millisecond it appeared, didn’t let it loop around looking lonely. Fake wallet nestled securely in my front pocket, hand often resting near it casually. Looked alert, maybe even slightly annoyed, not lost.
Step 4: Hotel as Fort Knox (Kind Of)
Got to my place. First things first:
- Safe Check: Shoved passport, main credit card, spare cash, and spare phone into the room safe immediately. Locked it. Tested the lock. Probably annoyed the front desk asking how reliable it was.
- Room Recon: Checked the windows, door lock, peephole. Figured out the fastest way to the stairs in case the elevator was sketchy or fire happened. Left the “Do Not Disturb” sign on permanently to deter random knocks.
- Travel Buddy Rules: Told the hotel folks nobody was allowed to know my room number. If someone asked for me, they had to call my room first, period. Didn’t care if it seemed rude.
Step 5: Playing Tourist Without Painting a Target
Time to actually see something! But cautiously…
- Daytime is Friendtime: Planned all sightseeing and walking around for daylight hours only. Strict curfew for myself way before sunset.
- Phone Ninja: Needed maps? Checked quickly, put phone instantly back in that inner pocket. Never used it openly on the street corner like a target. Sat down inside a cafe if I needed longer navigation.
- Cash is King (But Not Much): Used small bills from my fake wallet for street food or markets. Bigger purchases went on one credit card I could easily cancel. Never flashed a bunch of cash.
- Taxi Protocol: Used an app inside a cafe or the hotel lobby to book cars. Confirmed license plate and driver name BEFORE stepping outside to meet it. Kept rides short and direct.
The Dumb Mistake (& The Lesson Smacked Down)
Okay, confession time. Got too comfortable one evening. Needed snacks. Hotel shop was closed. Thought, “Ah, that little shop just around the corner? Five minutes, tops.” Left the hotel on foot just after twilight, breaking my own rule. Carried only the fake wallet with a little cash.
Big mistake. Grabbed my snacks, heading back. Feeling twitchy. Two guys suddenly blocked my path about halfway down a darker side street. Friendly questions, “Where you from?” while getting way too close. Felt hands jostling me near my pockets. Pure adrenaline kicked in. Shouted “NO!” loud and shove one hard away. Legged it back towards the main street lights, ran without looking back. Could hear them yelling behind me.
Made it to the main road gasping. They didn’t follow into the light. Fake wallet? Gone. Snacks? Scattered on the street behind me. Felt like an idiot.
Aftermath: Shaken But Learned
That was the wake-up call I needed, earned the hard way. Reported it to hotel security just so they knew. They weren’t surprised about the area. Lesson permanently etched: Stick. To. The. Rules. Especially the daylight rule and avoiding isolated spots. That cheap loss (fake wallet) was the best reminder money could buy. Stayed extra vigilant for the rest of the trip. The rest went smoothly because I never got cocky again.
