Alright so today I wanna talk about this little project I jumped into – making something like French booze at home. Yeah, I know, probably sounds a bit crazy, but I just went for it. Saw a bunch of stuff online about simple fermenting, thought, “Hey, why not try that fancy French flavor?”
Grabbing Stuff & Thinking Simple
First step was grabbing what I needed. I didn’t wanna get complicated, you know? Kept it super basic:
- Went down to the regular supermarket. Just bought a bunch of grapes. Red ones mostly, figuring they’d give that kinda deeper taste.
- Picked up a bag of sugar too. Plain white stuff.
- Already had some bottles with those rubber stoppers from an old kombucha phase last year. Washed those out good.
- Dug up a big plastic bucket from the garage. Cleaned the heck out of it with boiling water.
My genius plan? Mash the grapes, mix with sugar and water, let it sit. Easy peasy, French booze coming up… or so I hoped!
The Messy Making Part
Honestly, this bit was real messy. Got home, dumped all the grapes in the big bucket.
- Started squishing those grapes by hand. Felt weird. Juice and bits went everywhere. My kitchen looked like a crime scene for a bit.
- Threw in about three big handfuls of sugar. Didn’t measure, just poured it in.
- Added some water – lukewarm tap stuff – to cover the squished grape mess. Gave it a crazy stir with this big spoon.
Got my bottles ready, fitted the rubber stoppers with the little air trap things for gases to escape. Carefully poured the purple mash into the bottles, leaving some space at the top. Was pretty messy again. Juice on the counter, juice on me.
The Long, Annoying Wait
Put the bottles in this dark corner in the pantry. Figured out of sight, out of mind. Best way to wait.
- Checked after like two days. Saw tiny bubbles! Got kinda excited.
- By day five, whoa. Bubbles going crazy! Little blub-blub sounds. Felt like something alive was in there. Still looked real cloudy, big chunks of grape floating.
- Week two, the bubbling slowed down a lot. Way less activity. Started thinking maybe it was time.
The “Is This Right?” Taste Test
After bubbling basically stopped, decided to crack one open. This is when things got interesting.
- First sniff? Whoof. Definitely smelled boozy, but also kinda yeasty, like bread dough gone wrong. And super sour, like sharp vinegar almost.
- Took a tiny sip. Bitter! Real harsh. Had a kick, sure, but not that smooth French taste I imagined. More like sour rocket fuel mixed with old grapes. Ugh.
Poured the stuff through a coffee filter into a clean glass. The liquid was sorta pinkish-purple, but not clear at all. Still looked weird. Drank a bit more just to be sure… yeah, still kinda awful.
What Actually Happened?
So here’s what I figured out went wrong:
- Probably used the wrong grapes. Supermarket table grapes ain’t wine grapes, turns out. Duh.
- No idea how much sugar I really needed. Just chucking it in was dumb.
- Think the temperature wasn’t right in my pantry. Might’ve messed up the yeast.
- Whole process was way dirtier than those slick videos made it look. Should’ve sterilized everything better.
End result? Not even close to French alcohol. More like funky, barely alcoholic grape juice. Kinda bummed, but you know what? It was messy and fun to try. Learned a ton about how tricky this fermenting game really is. Maybe next time I try a kit… or just buy the real stuff from France!
