First step: curiosity kicked in
Okay, so honestly? This whole thing started cause I was scrolling like a zombie late Tuesday night. Some random feed shows me this super fancy bottle someone called “Baijiu”. Looked like rocket fuel honestly. Straight up clear in some ancient-looking bottle. Figured, “Why the heck not?” Been stuck in my local pub routine forever. Time to poke the bear with a stick. Asian booze? Bring it on.
Plan of attack? Total chaos
Zero plan. That’s the secret sauce, right? Just threw on some shoes Wednesday morning, grabbed my dumb notebook, and wandered downtown looking lost. Found this tiny shop squeezed between a laundromat and a place that probably sells suspicious noodles. Sign just said “Drinks”. Smelled like damp cardboard inside. Jackpot.
Old dude behind the counter barely looked up. Didn’t speak much English either. Just pointed at these dusty shelves stacked with bottles that looked like they survived a war. Prices made my wallet cry a little inside, no lie. Slapped my money down anyway. Got five weird bottles:
- Some green monster called Makgeolli? Sealed in this weird plastic thing like yogurt. Felt… squishy.
- That clear rocket fuel from China – Baijiu. Label looked like someone slapped Chinese characters on with a stamp kit.
- A tall, skinny Japanese bottle screaming “Shochu!” Bright blue. Could be windshield washer fluid for all I knew.
- A weird clay pot from Thailand? Rice Wine. Tied with string like a bad gift.
- Small brown bottle – Vietnamese Snake Wine. You heard me. Snake. In the bottle. Floating there. Looking dead. Felt like buying cursed swamp water.
Showdown at my kitchen table
Thursday night. Friends bailed cause honestly, who trusts a dude inviting them over for “snake wine”? Fine. More for me. Or less. Jury’s out.
Makgeolli First: Tore open the plastic pouch like some mutant Capri Sun. Poured this milky white gunk. Smelled kinda sour and sweet? Choked down a sip. Felt like fizzy rice pudding gone slightly wrong. Texture? Slimy grit. Not terrible? Not great. Probably okay with those suspicious noodles.
Shochu Next: Felt brave. This is the “vodka” they said? Yeah, right. Tasted like someone burned cheap potatoes mixed with rubbing alcohol. Smooth? Nope. My throat felt scorched. Eyeballs actually sweat. Wondered if I could use it to strip paint off my deck.
Thai Rice Wine: Cracking open that clay pot felt like archaeology. Smelled… fermented. Like forgotten birthday cake soaked in cheap beer. Took a tiny sip. Sweet. Cloyingly sweet. Like syrup made from old rice. Immediately headache potential flashed before my eyes. Made a mental note: avoid operating heavy machinery.
Baijiu – The Big Gun: Here we go. The rocket fuel. Uncorked it. Sniffed. Mistake. Imagine pure gasoline fumes mixed with old grain silo. Seriously pungent. Choked down a tiny sip. Felt like fire ripped through my insides. Left a taste like… burnt corn and regret. Could literally feel it warming me from the toes up. One sip. That’s the lifetime limit.
Snake Wine – The Final Boss: Saved the weirdest. That little dead snake dude just stared at me. Floating in yellowish liquid smelling vaguely like herbs and death. Poured a thimble full. Hands shook slightly. Gulped it. Surprisingly… boring? Mostly just tasted like watered-down booze with an unsettling herbal kick. The snake part? Pure psychological warfare. Probably wouldn’t buy it again unless bribing a warlord.
The morning after verdict
Woke up Friday feeling like I’d been hit by a truck made of Makgeolli fumes and Shochu regrets. Head pounding. Snake dreams? Maybe.
Would I recommend forcing these down? Absolutely not. Well, mostly not. Makgeolli? Weirdly okay for adventure seekers. Baijiu? Only if you enjoy feeling like you drank paint thinner. Shochu? Mix it with something. Anything. Rice Wine? Dessert in a dangerous form. Snake Wine? Purely for bragging rights or scaring guests.
Point is? Asian booze isn’t messing around. It kicked my butt, emptied my wallet, and left me bewildered. Total chaos experience. Mission accomplished? Maybe. My beer tastes deliciously boring now.
