Why I tried past life regression
Honestly, I thought it was total nonsense at first. Saw some weirdos talking about their “royal Egyptian lives” on YouTube and rolled my eyes hard. But then my buddy Dave kept bugging me after his divorce, saying it helped him chill out. Figured what the hell – I’ll try anything once. Worst case, I take a nap, right?
How I prepped for it
Didn’t wanna spend cash on fancy hypnotists, so I grabbed:
- My crappy earbuds (left side crackles)
- This free meditation app everyone’s using
- A couch pillow that smells like dog
- Phone on airplane mode so Mom wouldn’t interrupt
Pulled the curtains shut even though it was noon. My cat judged me hard from the doorway.
The actual 5 steps mess
Step 1: That app voice starts whispering “breathe deeeeeply” like a creepy ASMR video. Took me like 10 minutes to stop thinking about laundry.
Step 2: Had to imagine roots growing from my feet into the earth. Felt ridiculous picturing tree roots punching through my apartment floor into Mrs. Chen’s dumpling shop below.
Step 3: They said “visualize a door” – but mine looked exactly like my bathroom door because that’s where the cat was scratching to get in.
Step 4: When they told me to “walk through time,” my dumb brain kept showing TikTok videos instead of pyramids or whatever.
Step 5: Suddenly got this super vivid image of me in muddy rags, hauling rocks up a hill. Felt my back actually ache!
What I actually saw
Definitely wasn’t some Cleopatra fantasy. Saw myself as this starving peasant chick named Marta in what looked like medieval Europe? Remembered:
- Calloused hands from stone-cutting
- The smell of wet sheep everywhere
- Some jerk named Gregor stealing my turnips
Woke up furious about those turnips. My cat was licking my forehead. Weirdly, my lower back pain from gym? Gone for three whole days after.
My takeaway
Still don’t buy that I was “Marta” 600 years ago. But damn if that nap wasn’t deep! Felt like I rebooted my brain. Gonna keep doing it monthly – cheaper than therapy and honestly less awkward than telling some stranger about my childhood trauma. If you try it, don’t expect magic. Just enjoy the weird ride your brain takes you on.
