Okay, so, like, breakups, right? We’ve all been there. And everyone always says, “Oh, it gets better, just give it time.” But, seriously, how long is “time”? I decided to actually track this for myself after my last one. Brutal. Here’s what I did, what I learned, and, honestly, what actually helped.
Phase 1: The Mess (Weeks 1-4)
- Started a Journal: Day one, I was a wreck. Crying fits, replaying every conversation in my head. I grabbed a cheap notebook and just started writing. Didn’t care about grammar or anything, just word vomit. It helped to get the crazy out of my head and onto paper. Seriously, try it.
- No Contact, Seriously: This was the hardest. Deleted his number, unfollowed on everything. Even muted mutual friends. Cold turkey. I slipped up like twice in the first week, sending pathetic texts I immediately regretted. But after that, strict no contact.
- Exercise (Trying): People always say “hit the gym.” I’m not a gym person. I started with walks. Like, really short walks around the block. The fresh air did something, I don’t know what. Eventually, I managed some actual jogging.
- Allowed Myself to Grieve: No pretending I was okay. Watched sad movies, ate ice cream, let myself feel the feels. But I also set a limit. Like, one really sad movie per week, not per day.
Phase 2: The Climb (Weeks 5-8)
- Started Doing Things I Enjoyed (Again): Remember hobbies? I’d forgotten. Started painting again, which I hadn’t done in ages. It was terrible, but it was something.
- Socializing (Small Doses): Coffee with a friend, a quick drink after work. Nothing crazy. Just reminding myself that other people existed and that they liked me.
- Focused on Self-Improvement (Not in a “fix myself” way): Read some books, not self-help stuff, just stuff I found interesting. Took an online class in something completely random. It was more about distracting myself and feeling like I was learning something.
- Forgave Myself (For Everything): This was HUGE. I was blaming myself for the breakup, for not being “good enough,” all that crap. I just decided to stop. I wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t perfect, it didn’t work out. End of story.
Phase 3: The Plateau (Weeks 9-12)
- Good Days and Bad Days: Some days I felt great, others I felt like I was back at square one. This is normal. Don’t freak out if you have a setback.
- Stopped Thinking About Him Constantly: He still popped into my head, but not every five minutes. I could go hours without thinking about him, which was a major win.
- Started to See the Future: I started making plans that didn’t involve him. Trips, career goals, all that stuff.
- Realized I Was Okay: One day, I just realized I was okay. Not ecstatic, not magically healed, but okay. I could function, I could laugh, I could enjoy my life.
Phase 4: Moving On (Week 13+)
- Started Dating (Eventually): No rush. Didn’t feel the need to jump into anything right away. When I did start dating, it was casual, low-pressure.
- Looked Back Without Pain: Could think about the relationship without feeling like my heart was being ripped out. Remembered the good times, acknowledged the bad times, and moved on.
- Learned From the Experience: Figured out what I wanted in a relationship, what I didn’t want, and what I could do better next time.
So, How Long Did It Take?
For me, it was around 3 months before I felt truly okay. But everyone is different. Some people bounce back faster, some take longer. The important thing is to be kind to yourself, don’t compare yourself to others, and focus on your own healing. And seriously, no contact. It works.
What Really Helped (The TL;DR Version):
- Journaling: Get the crap out of your head.
- No Contact: Brutal, but necessary.
- Self-Care: Whatever that looks like for you. Baths, walks, whatever.
- Forgiveness: For yourself and for the other person.
- Time: It really does heal, even though it sucks in the moment.
Good luck, you got this. It’s gonna hurt, but you’ll get through it. I promise.
