Alright, so people often wonder about this, right? You see it pop up online, folks asking for the magic button, the quick trick to just, you know, switch it on. Like it’s a faulty lamp you just need to jiggle the right way.
Well, let me tell you, after kicking around for a good number of years, I’ve found it’s rarely that simple. Honestly, it’s mostly a load of nonsense, those quick fixes. For me, anyway. And I bet for a lot of you too. It’s not like ordering takeout; you can’t just decide you want it and poof, there it is, hot and ready.
I remember a specific period, must’ve been a good decade ago. Work was just relentless, you know how it gets. Felt like I was running on a treadmill that was slowly speeding up, and the ‘off’ switch was nowhere in sight. And yeah, my desire, my ‘get-up-and-go’ for anything intimate? It basically packed a suitcase and went on a very long vacation without telling me. It wasn’t just about sex; it was about feeling that aliveness, that spark. And it was gone. Nada. Zip.
At first, I did what most people do. I panicked a bit. Thought, “Am I broken? Is this it?” I even, and I cringe to admit this, bought one of those cheesy self-help books. You know the type. “Unlock your inner tiger in five easy steps!” or some garbage like that. Spoiler alert: my tiger remained firmly asleep, probably snoring. All it did was make me feel more like a failure because the “easy steps” weren’t doing jack.
So, what was my grand experiment then?
It wasn’t really an ‘experiment’ with a start and end date. It was more like I just… gave up on the quick fixes. I got tired of trying to force something that clearly wasn’t in the mood to be forced. And that’s when things actually started to shift, funnily enough. I stopped trying to ‘make myself horny’ and started trying to just… make myself feel like a human being again.
My big “practice,” if you want to call it that, became about dealing with the root causes, not the symptom. Stress was public enemy number one. I actually started carving out time, real time, not just “I’ll do it later” time, for things that calmed my brain down. For me, it was long walks, no phone, just me and the trees. Sometimes it was getting lost in a ridiculously complicated model airplane kit. Sounds daft, but it took my mind off the hamster wheel.
Then there was the whole thing about being present in my own damn life. I realized I was spending so much time worrying about the next thing, or replaying the last thing, that I wasn’t actually in the current thing. So, I made an effort. When I was eating, I just ate. When I was talking to someone, I actually listened, instead of planning my response. It’s harder than it sounds, man.
And here’s something that might surprise you: I rediscovered things that genuinely interested me, things that had nothing to do with getting my mojo back, or so I thought. Old music that used to make me feel something, books that weren’t about self-improvement but just great stories, even silly old movies. It was about letting my mind connect with things that sparked joy or nostalgia or just… feeling. It wasn’t about direct “turn-on” material at all. It was about feeding my soul, not just trying to flick a switch in my pants.
I also had to unlearn a lot of crap about what I thought should get me going versus what actually did. That’s a whole other story, maybe for another time. But basically, it meant being honest with myself.
So yeah, there’s no secret recipe I can give you. It’s not a one-size-fits-all deal. It’s more about understanding that your desire isn’t this separate thing that you can just command. It’s tied into everything else – your stress, your happiness, your connection to yourself and the world. My “practice” was, and still is, about tending to all of that. Sometimes it works like a charm, other times it’s quieter. And that’s fine. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, this whole business of being human. And definitely not something you can fix with five easy steps from some online guru.
