So I decided to try burning an effigy at home yesterday after watching that wild documentary. Grabbed some old newspapers, twine from the garage, and a cardboard box that held my last Amazon order. Figured it couldn’t be that hard, right? Spoiler: almost set off the smoke alarm.
Getting Started & Almost Burning the Garage
First things first, I cleared a space in the backyard near the brick grill pit. Dug a shallow hole like some tutorials said – maybe a foot deep? Then I balled up newspapers tight for the base. Wrapped cardboard scraps around it with twine to make a sort of body shape. Looked like a lumpy snowman but whatever. Stupid part? I put it way too close to the garage wall. My bad.
The Actual Burning Part (Hold My Beer)
Poured some lighter fluid on it because I’m impatient. Struck a match – whoosh! Flames shot up way faster than I thought. Thing started “dancing” like a drunk puppet. Embers flew everywhere. Ran inside for the fire extinguisher just in case. Neighbor peeked over the fence yelling “Everything okay? Smells like BBQ gone wrong!”
Here’s what I messed up:
- Location: Too much wind + close to structures = bad idea.
- Materials: Cardboard creates crazy embers. Use wood next time.
- Safety: Had the garden hose ready but forgot a metal bucket for ash control.
What Actually Worked
Once it burned down a bit, I used a long stick to push it deeper into the pit. The brick ring kept it mostly contained. Burnt to ash in about 20 minutes. Doused everything with water three times until it stopped hissing. Still made the whole yard smell like a bonfire convention. Wifey wasn’t thrilled.
Final thoughts? Super easy to do but way easier to mess up. If you’re gonna try this:
- Pick a windless day
- Clear a 10-foot radius of anything flammable
- Skip the damn cardboard
Stick to smaller scale stuff unless you got firefighter buddies on speed dial. 3/10 experience – won’t do it again unless the zombie apocalypse hits.
