Alright, let’s dive into my experience with the Enneagram type 2, “The Helper.” This has been quite a journey, and I’m gonna break down how I explored this archetype in real life.
It all started when I stumbled upon the Enneagram. I was looking for ways to understand myself and others better. I took a couple of those online tests, and consistently, “The Helper” popped up. I thought, “Okay, let’s see what this is about.”
Initial Thoughts: Am I Really That Nice?
My first reaction was a bit skeptical. The description of a type 2 is all about being caring, generous, and wanting to be needed. I’m a pretty laid-back guy, and sometimes I can be a bit of a grump. So, the idea of being a selfless helper seemed…off.
But then I started digging deeper. I didn’t just read the surface-level stuff. I looked into the motivations, the fears, and the shadow sides of a type 2. That’s when things started to click.
- The Need to be Needed: I realized I do have a strong desire to be helpful. I often go out of my way to assist friends, family, and even colleagues, sometimes before they even ask.
- Fear of Being Unworthy of Love: This one hit home. I recognized a subtle fear that if I’m not doing something for others, I’m somehow less valuable.
- Ignoring My Own Needs: Guilty as charged. I’ve definitely been in situations where I prioritized other people’s needs over my own, leading to burnout and resentment.
Putting it into Practice: Observation and Self-Reflection
Okay, so I had a better understanding of the theory. Now it was time to see how this played out in my day-to-day life. I started observing my own behavior and reactions in different situations.
For instance, a friend was struggling with a work project. My immediate instinct was to jump in and offer to do half of it for them. But I paused and asked myself, “Why am I doing this? Is it really helpful in the long run, or am I just trying to feel needed?”
Instead of taking over the project, I offered guidance and support. I helped them break down the tasks, brainstorm solutions, and stay motivated. It was a lot harder than just doing it myself, but it was ultimately more beneficial for my friend and helped me avoid getting bogged down in their work.
The Pitfalls: People-Pleasing and Boundaries
One of the biggest challenges was recognizing when my desire to help turned into people-pleasing. I noticed I would sometimes agree to things I didn’t really want to do, just to avoid disappointing someone. This led to me feeling resentful and overwhelmed.
So, I started working on setting boundaries. This was tough! Saying “no” felt incredibly uncomfortable at first. But I realized that saying “no” to some things meant I could say “yes” to the things that truly mattered to me.
Tools I Used:
- Journaling: I wrote down my thoughts and feelings after interactions where I felt the “helper” tendencies coming out. This helped me identify patterns and triggers.
- Meditation: Taking a few minutes each day to quiet my mind and focus on my own needs helped me stay grounded and avoid getting caught up in other people’s dramas.
- Asking for Feedback: I asked a few trusted friends and family members for their honest opinions about my behavior. This was invaluable in getting an outside perspective on my blind spots.
The Results: A More Balanced Approach
It’s been a slow and ongoing process, but I’ve definitely made progress in managing my “helper” tendencies. I’m more aware of my motivations, better at setting boundaries, and more willing to prioritize my own needs.
I’m still a caring and generous person, but now it comes from a place of genuine desire to help, rather than a need to feel worthy of love. And that makes all the difference.
Final Thoughts
Exploring the Enneagram type 2 has been a really insightful experience. It’s helped me understand my strengths and weaknesses, and given me tools to become a more balanced and authentic version of myself. If you’re curious about the Enneagram, I highly recommend giving it a try. It might just surprise you!
