Alright, let’s talk about something a bit personal today, something I kind of went through that felt like my own little ‘getsemani’, you know? Not the actual place, obviously, but that feeling of facing something tough, something you kinda wish you didn’t have to deal with.
It started a while back. There was this situation, let’s just say it involved a big choice I had to make. And honestly? I spent weeks, maybe months, just pushing it away. Didn’t want to look at it square in the face. It felt heavy, really heavy. My default mode was just… avoid. Keep busy with other stuff, pretend it wasn’t there waiting.
But that doesn’t really work, does it? It just sits there, in the back of your mind. So, I decided, okay, enough’s enough. I had to actually do something about it, not just stew in the anxiety. My practice, if you want to call it that, wasn’t anything fancy. It was mostly about forcing myself to stop running.
Here’s kinda how I tackled it:
- Stopped distracting myself: First thing I did was cut down on the noise. Less mindless scrolling, less unnecessary tasks just to feel busy. Had to create space to actually think.
- Sat with the discomfort: This was the hard part. Just letting myself feel the worry, the uncertainty, without immediately trying to fix it or run away. It’s like, okay, this feels bad, let’s just acknowledge that.
- Did a lot of walking: Seriously, just walked for hours sometimes. Didn’t always think directly about the problem, but being outside, moving, it somehow helped untangle things in my head. Let the thoughts come and go.
- Wrote things down: Got a plain notebook and just started writing. Whatever came to mind about the situation. Pros, cons, fears, hopes. Didn’t need to be neat or make sense, just get it out of my head and onto paper. Seeing it written down made it feel a bit more manageable.
- Talked it through (a little): Didn’t broadcast it to everyone, but I did talk to one person I really trust. Just saying some of it out loud helped clarify things. Didn’t necessarily need advice, just needed to articulate it.
It wasn’t a quick process. There were days I felt like I was making progress, understanding the different angles. Other days, I felt just as stuck as when I started. It was a real wrestle, back and forth. That feeling of knowing what you probably should do, but not wanting to face the consequences or the difficulty of it… that’s the core of it, I think.
Eventually, though, by just keeping at it, by consistently facing it instead of avoiding it, things started to clear up. It wasn’t like a sudden lightning bolt moment, more like a gradual dawn. I could see the path I needed to take. It wasn’t necessarily the easiest path, but it was the one that felt right, the one I could live with.
Making the actual decision, and then acting on it, was the final step. And yeah, it was tough. But the feeling after? Relief. Not necessarily happiness, not right away, but a sense of quiet relief. Like putting down a heavy bag I’d been carrying for way too long. That whole period, that personal ‘getsemani’, it taught me that avoiding the hard stuff doesn’t make it go away. You just gotta turn around and face it, even if it’s uncomfortable. The practice is in the facing, I guess.
