Man, what a messy situation to find myself in. Let me walk you through how I handled finding out about my wife’s boyfriend, step by step, and what actually worked for me.
My Start
So last Tuesday, found some weird texts on my wife’s iPad. Heart just dropped, you know? Noticed she’d been dressing different, working late. Felt sick. Spent two whole days pacing the kitchen floor late at night, cold coffee in my hand, that same damn song stuck in my head. Didn’t sleep. Didn’t eat right. Stupid mistake? Yeah, maybe I should’ve asked her straight up. But I froze.
My Research
Next morning, Googled like crazy: “wife has boyfriend what do I do”. Found maybe ten articles. Most said talk, talk, talk – yeah, obvious, but easier said than done, right? Others screamed “dump her!”. Needed more. Kept digging, read one forum post suggesting getting expert perspectives instead of guessing. Made sense to me.
My Solutions
Reached out to a therapist buddy, a divorce lawyer I know from the gym, a marriage counselor recommended online, and this old dude from my barber shop who’s been married 45 years. Told them the plain truth: wife acting strange, found evidence of some guy. Asked each one point blank: What do I actually do now? Got four different answers:
- The Therapist: “Shut the phone. Put coffee on the table. Look her dead in the eye. Say: ‘We need to talk about [Boyfriend’s Name]. Today.’ Don’t yell. Wait. Listen way more than you talk. Write down your feelings BEFORE you do this.”
- The Lawyer: “Man, protect yourself. Copy those texts discreetly. Lock down joint accounts quietly. See a lawyer before you confront her. Know your rights cold if this blows up.”
- The Counselor: “Is this affair emotional, physical, both? Why now? What’s missing for her? Don’t accuse – ask her if she’s unhappy with you. Demand honesty. Decide if fixing this is possible based on that truth.”
- The Barber Shop Guy: “Ha! Listen kid, marriage ain’t perfect. Before you burn it down, fight. Tell her you see what’s happening. Tell her it hurts like hell. Ask her point blank: ‘Do you wanna save this? Or you wanna go?’ Then act on her answer. Stop cryin’.”
My Action
Did what the therapist said first. Made coffee Saturday morning. Pulled the texts up on my own phone, showed her. Asked about him. Didn’t scream. Leg was bouncing like crazy under the table, sweat running down my back. She cried first, then talked. Listened. Hardest hour of my damn life. Got some ugly truths – she felt ignored, lonely after I got buried in work. Didn’t excuse it, but explained it. Then did what the lawyer said – copied texts to cloud. Checked our accounts. Didn’t move money, just looked. Then asked her the counselor’s big question: “You still want us?” She said yes, sobbing. Then took the old guy’s advice: told her we fight for this or we stop right now. We fight means therapy, cutting contact with him, total honesty moving forward. Told her I choose fight. Your turn.
My Results
It’s messy. Found out she hasn’t actually ended things with him yet? Pure bullshit, I know. But she blocked his number while I watched. We signed up for that counselor’s waitlist yesterday. I see my therapist Thursday, alone. Got lawyer’s number saved, just in case. Pain comes in waves – rage one minute, wanting to cry myself to sleep the next. But I’m sleeping. Eating. It feels like climbing a muddy hill – exhausting, slow, not sure I’ll make it. But at least we’re not lying frozen on the floor anymore. Taking it one damn day.
