Man, realizing both my parents were narcissists hit me like a truck. For years I thought I was just too sensitive or ungrateful whenever they’d put me down or make everything about them. It messed me up bad – I’d walk on eggshells, apologize for stuff that wasn’t my fault, and felt like a supporting character in their life movie.
How I finally figured it out
Last year I snapped when mom threw a tantrum because my birthday party wasn’t about her. I googled “why do I feel empty after seeing parents” at 3AM and fell into a rabbit hole of articles about narcissistic families. That’s when I started connecting dots:
- Dad always interrupted my achievements with stories about himself
- Mom would love-bomb me after public fights to look good
- Both blamed me for their marital problems since age 10
My messy healing experiments
First I tried confronting them – total disaster. Dad screamed about disrespect while mom played victim. So I grabbed a cheap notebook and started:
Phase 1: Rage dumping
Wrote every messed-up memory until my hand cramped. Seeing 58 pages of crap in one week made me realize this wasn’t normal.
Phase 2: Boundary bootcamp
Practiced hanging up when they started insults. First time I did it, I threw up afterward from anxiety. Fourth time? Felt like Superman.
Phase 3: Rewiring my brain
Stuck post-its everywhere saying “Their behavior isn’t about me.” When dad called to complain about his dinner during my job interview, I laughed at the absurdity instead of crying.
What actually works for me now
After a year of trial-and-error:
- I keep interactions to 15-minute phone calls max – timer set!
- When guilt trips come, I hum a song in my head till they stop
- Made a “reality check” friend who tells me when I’m over-apologizing
- Bought dollar-store plates to smash in the garage when anger builds up
Healing ain’t linear. Some weeks I backslide into people-pleasing mode. But now I catch myself faster – last Tuesday I actually told mom “No” when she demanded I skip work to fix her computer. Small wins, folks.
