So I’ve been thinking about how people tell stories—you know, what they say versus what they actually mean. Last Tuesday, I grabbed coffee with Sarah, this friend who’s always saying her startup is “killing it.” But her voice sounded shaky. I decided to test three ways to peel back the layers.
Starting Small: Watching the Little Stuff
First, I paid attention to her body language. I casually asked, “How’s work treating you?” She grinned wide—too wide—while shredding a napkin into confetti. Her knuckles went white around the coffee cup. That napkin massacre screamed stress. I didn’t call it out, just nodded and stayed quiet. People fill silence. Sure enough, she blurted, “Investors want faster growth, but hiring’s a nightmare.” Boom. First crack in the facade.
Digging Deeper: The Power of “Why?”
Next tactic: question their logic. When Sarah mumbled, “We might pivot soon,” I pounced. “Why pivot now?” Her answer was rehearsed: “Market trends suggest…” I leaned in, kept it simple: “But why pivot specifically?” Her shoulders slumped. Real answer? “My co-founder ghosted for three weeks.” Turns out “pivoting” was code for panic. Never underestimate asking “why” twice.
The Vulnerability Trade
Finally, I swapped my own mess for hers. After she vented about hiring, I shared, “Dude, I picked the wrong freelancer last month. Paid upfront and got trash designs.” Her eyes locked onto mine. Suddenly, we’re in confessional mode. “Same!” she groaned. “Hired a ‘rockstar’ dev who just Googled errors on Zoom calls. Faked his entire resume.” That secret insecurity? Buried under all her “killing it” talk.
What Actually Works
Here’s my takeaway:
- Eyes and hands don’t lie. Tension leaks through tiny motions.
- Push past the first explanation. Surface answers are clean. Truth is messy.
- Trade your screw-ups for theirs. Authenticity unlocks honesty.
Sarah texted me yesterday: “Told investors we’re restructuring.” Translation? She fired the fake dev and delayed funding. The real story? She bought herself breathing room. And I only got there by watching, questioning, and swapping scars.
